In-Law Relations

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. —Genesis 2:24

In twenty-eight years of marriage, my husband and I have only lived an hour from my parents for the first three years, since then we have lived this scripture to its fullest.  We have spent many years far from family, only to rely on and grow together as a couple, and then as a family.  Have we missed out on many of the family activities that our siblings and parents have enjoyed together?  Yes, but we have also created many fond memories of our own, while strengthening our family unit.  This isn’t to say that we have left our own families behind and forgotten the ties we have with them.  We try to stay in touch as much as possible, which is now easier than it used to be before cell phones and internet, we travel to visit as often as we can and we continue to vacation with, and send our boys to stay for extended amounts of time.  We hold those ties dear, and encourage our boys to stay close to cousins, aunt and uncles, and grandparents in all that they do.  I feel that this is VERY important.  Our back yard has yet to have the landscaping finished because I feel it is more important to use our funds to visit family often.  And I am sure that the memories my boys have from that will far out way their memories of a waterfall in the backyard.  Elder Marvin J. Ashton, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles give us his definition of this scripture as follows, “Certainly a now-married man should cleave unto his wife in faithfulness, protection, comfort, and total support, but in leaving father, mother, and other family members, it was never intended that they now be ignored, abandoned, shunned, or deserted. They are still family, a great source of strength …. Wise parents, whose children have left to start their own families, realize their family role still continues, not in a realm of domination, control, regulation, supervision, or imposition, but in love, concern, and encouragement.” (1974, January) He took him by the hand, Ensign, 4(1), 101.

            That being said, I know that our close ties to the family we leave as we are married should not be placed in front of the new family unit we create with a spouse.  I am a new mother-in-law to two beautiful girls.  I pray every day that I will be able to develop and build lasting relationships with my new girls, as well as stay close to my boys.  Although this is something that is extremely important to me, I am more prayerful that my sons and their wives will cling to one another and cleave, or as the dictionary defines it, “to remain attached, devoted, or faithful to,” and “to remain steadfast” to one another before their childhood families.  James M. Harper and Susanne Frost Olsen share many ways we can create healthy family ties when our children leave our home.  Here is a list of the points they make in, Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” (pp. 327-334)

-Newly Married Couple should leave their parent and cleave unto their spouses

-Helping newly married couple create a marital identity

-Accepting Differences

-Including new spouse in the extended family 

 By building a strong family unit with our spouse, and allowing our children to create a strong family unit with their spouse, we can build an eternal family that will be loving and caring and bonded throughout time and eternity.