The power of Vitamin 'N'.

Many children are deficient in vitamin N, says Richard Miller director of BYU School of Family Life (BYU Conference on Family Life March 28, 2008).  You may ask, "What is vitamin N?".....This is the character building word, No. 

Why is it so hard for us parents to say no to our children sometimes?  For some parents, it is more often a struggle than not.  Unfortunately, the struggle we face as parents to say no to our children, sets them up to look at themselves as self-important, greater than all, or "the boss" of the family.  When my husband and I were expecting our first child we took on a job of "caring" for a young man that was about eleven years old.  My husband was in graduate school for Social Work, and one of his professors had some friends that had adopted this boy at a young age.  The parents were older, all of their other children grown and out of the home.  They were tired and had tried to love this boy, who was abandoned by his mother, by giving him EVERYTHING he desired.  They had come to a point where they needed a break.... daily.... and my husband was offered the job.  

            The first week was very eye opening to my husband.  He told me that he had been in the boys’ room with him to help him with studying when the boy decided he wanted to play video games instead.  When my husband told him that he needed to get his work done first, he picked up the tv that was in his room and threw it across the floor. The next day there was a new tv in his room, bigger and better than the one he had destroyed. 

I am a parent so I understand being tired, but letting our children dictate the rules and standards we live by can be damaging for our familial relationships, as well as their relationships with others outside the home.  Miller says, “In healthy, well-functioning families, there is a clear hierarchy between parents and children.”  By showing our children the unity between father and mother, standing in love to guide their children, we can help them realize that through life they will not always get what they want, but they will be loved and cared for by their parents. 

We also need to remember that our role as parent does not mean that we “lay down the law” and expect our children to obey.  One of the blessings and growing experiences for me as a parent has been to learn to lead with love.  When I counsel with my husband or children, I can feel the spirit guide me in using the time to listen and value our family unit as a whole. 

In my religion, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe and follow a Proclamation to the world given by our Latter-day prophets.  In it we read:

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

            Ultimately we need to teach our children to respect themselves and others by working with us to build a strong family unit that counsels together and honors one another.