Fidelity in Marriage

The stars that shine in a newlywed couple’s eyes are generally unmistakable.  They care more for one another and their new union than any other thing in the world.  They seem to float along, caring for and nurturing one another in daily bliss.  What they “think” is true love is only the buds of beautiful relationship, if they nurture and sanctify it.  What does it mean to sanctify a marriage?  In the dictionary it is defined as, “set apart as or declare holy; consecrate; purify; unburden; approve”.  In marriage, we must dedicate our love as an unburdened, consecrated, blessed union between Husband, Wife, and our Father in Heaven.  President John Taylor, a prophet for my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, once said, “We have a great many principles innate in our natures that are correct, but they want sanctifying …. (God) has planted a natural desire in women towards man, and in man towards women and a feeling of affection, regard, and sympathy exists between the sexes.  We bring it into the world with us, but that, like everything else, has to be sanctified.” (p.61 Intimacy in Marriage and Gospel Kingdom) In, A Parent’s Guide from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it says;

“Couples will discover differences in the needs or desires each partner has for the relationship, but when each strives to satisfy the needs of the other these differences need not present a serious problem. Remember, this intimate relationship between husband and wife was established to bring joy to them. An effort to reach this righteous objective will enable married couples to use their complementary natures to bring joy to this union.”

While studying fidelity and physical intimacy this week in our marriage class, I have read some beautiful words from my church’s prophets.  The encouragement of love and affection between husband and wife is evident.  The main counsel given is to respect and honor one another in this sacred act and bond.  If we do not show respect physical intimacy can become corrupt and lustful rather than holy and unifying.   We also must take precaution to protect the importance and fragility of the fidelity within our marriage.  We are told over and over again to avoid all appearances of evil.  Once we begin to let our eyes, our emotions, or even our confidences stray to someone outside our marriage, we are opening up the gateway for Satan to break that sanctity that we should be strengthening daily with our spouse.  President Ezra Taft Benson said,

“A good question to ask ourselves is this: Would my spouse be pleased if he or she knew I was doing this? Would a wife be pleased to know that her husband lunches alone with his secretary? Would a husband be pleased if he saw his wife flirting and being coy with another man? My beloved brothers and sisters, this is what Paul men at when he said, “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22). (The Law of Chastity, BYU 1987-88 Devotional and Fireside Speeches [1988], p. 52)

My husband and I once had an experience where a friend of ours had emailed me privately with expressions of admiration and kindness.  I didn’t want to ignore the email and have him think that I was keeping it quiet, so I replied and added his wife and my husband to the reply.  This quickly put an end to the emailing, which I was grateful for. 

Once the stars have aligned and we are no longer floating around in newly marital bliss, we can focus on the sanctity that our marriage requires and the joy that we find in honoring both our spouse, and the covenant of marriage that we have entered into.